Mr. Quack

Today has been difficult for me.  I have really had to work hard not to let on that my heart is grieving.  There have been some pretty rough moments.  With that said, there have also been some that soothe a bit.  Some cute pictures of the grand-dog begging for a tid-bit of turkey, a couple of other silly texts from them, and learning how to cook a duck.

 Both of the people I share this home with agreed that cooking the six pound duck would be more sensible than a twenty pound turkey.  I wish you could have seen the goofy grins on her and her Poppa's faces as they walked up to me in the grocery store.  Beaming as if they had just returned from an all day hunt with a fresh kill.  After eating it they decided it should be the new tradition. 

I have really struggled with the concept of traditions.  Any holiday is steeped in them.  As a new Christian I had to examine every tradition I held dear.  I still do from time to time.  So many little traditions I used to relish in have fallen by the wayside leaving little to anticipate or prepare for.  Sometimes it's real easy to forget who I stand for and find myself coveting what other families are doing.  (Time to clean my glasses again.) 

 So, that is why starting new traditions has become a big deal to me lately.  I want her to look back on her time here with us and smile.  I want her to recant stories of the first duck we cooked.  How we had absolutely no idea what we were doing.    That we giggled and made it dance like a puppet.  That as she rubbed the salt and spices on it she said in a silly voice, "We have to give Mr. Quack a massage before he goes into the sauna."  How she laughed at me for trussing the legs with a little bow.  That it smoked the entire house up while mom showed her how to make "real" mashed potatoes. 

I know to the rest of the world this is all melodrama and silliness.  But for we three, it is a fight to keep life going.  To keep our eyes on Him.  To keep our little world turning.  As for me, to keep the holiday hurt at bay. 11/24/13

It's no culinary masterpiece, but it was pretty good!

Autocorrect

So I've spent the last few days bumbling around the house while someone does schoolwork so it doesn't look like I'm hovering.  I constantly check her work for errors.  I constantly remind her to take more time organizing her thoughts and checking back over her work before it is turned in.  There are days that I feel like a recording stuck in a loop. 

Tonight I realized that I haven't put an entry in here for a while.  I looked back through the old posts only to realize that there are so many errors.  I stop and think about what I need to fix, that I need to revisit some grammar rules, that I simply need to take more time organizing my thoughts.

I wonder if that is how God feels about us?  Does he hover over us while we work?  Does he shake his head reminding us to take more time organizing?  I think he does.  We rush our decisions, work, conversations.  For what?  Like the children, we rush so we can go play with whatever distractions we choose to surround ourselves with.  Real relationships are not built, the Gospel is not shared, and we've not done much to glorify him.  My finite cartoony brain imagines him getting impatient and feeling like his message is stuck on a loop because we simply don't listen.  I picture him sitting on his throne arms waving as he yells at us, much like my husband does the quarterback during a football game. (told you I think cartoony)

Yep, we don't listen.  We want to rush things, people, him.  Then when things go wrong we look back on our work only to realize all of the mistakes in it.  We look toward our Creator/teacher to give us a break.  We make excuses, we try to reason things out hoping he will just "autocorrect" where we've messed up. Ultimately we give in to our dependence on his grace.  We consult His Word, own up to our mistakes.  We learn to take the necessary time to plan our words, our time, our actions, and use the correction fluid of apologies when necessary.

Our life is not a rough draft where errors can be corrected before it is turned in.  Mistakes are inevitable because we are chronic sinners.  I challenge myself, and you, to spend more time reading His Word and less time asking for him for an autocorrect.
11/21/2013

Ten Things About Me?

Ten Things About Me?

Recently there's been a little game going around my favorite social media site.  Someone gives you a number and you list that many facts about yourself.  I was given the number ten.  Here was my response:

Ten things about me?...I am not important, God is.
I. Though we may fail, He NEVER will...EVER.
II. He will never leave you nor forsake you....
III. You can do all things through Him that gives you strength.
IV. When your heart is weary He will give you rest.
V. NOTHING can separate you from His love...NOTHING.
VI. He will supply all your need.
VII. He knows the plans He has for you, plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
VIII. Before He formed you in your mother's womb He knew you & he numbered every hair on your head. (try to count them...I dare you)
IX. His grace is sufficient for you.
X. If you acknowledge Him in all your ways He will direct your path.
11/15/2013

Learning New Things

Learning New Things

Ok, so this old lady just learned how to clear the browser cache in browser's history.  I know it's nothing earth shattering or life changing, or is it?  Constantly pushing our brains and bodies to try new things is life changing and for some, earth shattering. 

Stepping out of that comfort zone and out from under those fears we wear like a shield from the world, yes that's life changing and earth shattering.  And in those glorious moments when everything in your brain just "clicks" you suddenly feel like the entire entourage from Oz.  You have courage, heart, brains, and the sassy red slippers!

I say all of that to encourage you to keep learning, keep trying, keep failing, keep conquering all that life has to offer.

Thank you to the young man on the help forum who gave me the tip. ♥

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
11/15/2013

S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G

From my original blog:
I don't remember the original publish date.
About a year ago?

S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G

The time I spent healing after my emergency open heart surgery was pretty rough.  Looking at my mangled chest was too.  But after some time (months) things got better.  Fast forward two years.  Most things on the outside look okay considering everything my skin went through.  I'm back at work and doing most of the things I did before, save heaving lifting.  For some reason I healed very slowly.  In all that time the thing that aggravated me most was when I woke up in the morning.  sore and stiff was the routine with every sunrise; and I couldn't do the one thing that everyone does when they first wake up...STRETCH.  Stretching brought immense pain to my chest.  Stretching my legs was okay, but the arms were a big NO.  Me being the stubborn, impatient person that I am naturally pushed the limit a little more each morning.  One morning, feeling pathetic thinking it would never happen again, there was a giant stretch!  You know the kind that makes your muscles feel so good leaving you with a smile on you face, wanting to burst into a chorus of "What a beautiful Morning?"  It's corny, I know.  But when you lose something simple like that and then find it again it is pretty awesome

There are times in our faith that parallels this.  Some unbelievable tragedy happens and we are left with a hemorrhaging heart.  God performs His open heart surgery to stop the bleeding but we are not left untouched.  There is a scar and a great amount of healing left to be done.  We try to have faith in Him but are left with so many questions and doubts.  God being the stubborn, infinitely patient being He is methodically pushes the limit of our faith a little more each day.  One day there is a giant stretch!  you know the kind that makes your soul feel so good leaving you with a smile on your face, wanting to burst out into a chorus of "Hallelujah."  It's corny, I know.  But when you are stretched to your limit, thinking your faith can't make anther move, that it's totally gone, and somehow it wells up inside of you filling you up until you burst.  At that moment whatever ugliness going on around you dims as He helps you stretch just a little bit more.

Like the student that spend the whole school year being pushed by the teacher, only to look back on the last day of school to say, "Wow!  Look at all I've learned."  The student then turns their gaze to the next year timid, but very anxious for it.  We know that with each year we are stretched the coming year seems a little less daunting.  That is my hope for those around the and those reading this.  My home is that every time you are stretched you not only see His hand in it all, but you realize that His tug on you is pulling you closer to Him. repost 11/14/13

Time To Clean My Glasses

From my very first blog:
I have no idea of the original publish date.
About a year ago?

Time To Clean My Glasses

I'm having a pity-party tonight.  It seems that throughout my entire life I have struggled to fit in somewhere.  It doesn't matter what group I try to fit in with I always seem to be on the fringe, then cut off somehow.  I really don't belong anywhere.  My children are the same way.  I hate watching them struggle with the same issue.  Funny thing is, at this age you'd thing I'd be over it.  Rejection is never easy.  Having to accept this rejection with grace and humility does not make it any easier.  Rejection from a person or entity that you've invested a large portion of yourself downright stinks!  part of me wants to childishly rage, the other part just wants to hide.  I will "put on my big girl panties" and move on.  I just have to figure out how to do it with grace.  My life is not about me, but sometimes me is all I can see.  Time to clean my glasses...repost 11/14/13

My Life's Winter

From original blog:
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
6:40pm

 

My Life's Winter

The blustery wind has been blowing leaves out of the trees all day.  Here where I am they're still green!  I'll be watching them turn colors on the ground.  With the cooler air comes the frisky critters.  The feral cat colony outside has been quite active.  Even the old ones are participating in gentle play with the little ones, while the rest hide behind bushes and jump out to chase and pummel each other.  Overall it is a peaceful feeling.  One that people like me savor as long as possible.  It's not cold here yet, but the air is filled with the impending change.  It is a change that reminds me that this life will eventually come to it's own winter.  I do not relish the thought of being frail and brittle, as my life slowly winds down.  I do not like to linger on those thoughts, but then again, I don't know anyone who does.  It is in those cold moments that I have to forcefully remind myself of what lies beyond my life's winter. Though when I allow my thoughts to linger there for a time, I realize just how much doubt is in me.  Doubt that leads to questions. Questions that lead me to revisit history.  In this history I recall the creation, the fall, the death, the resurrection...  When I recount history then I recount the promises.  It is in those promises that I tell my scattered mind to rest.  Rest.... rest in Him.  When my weary heart finally gives, there will be Him. 11-6-13

 

 

Old Blogs

Here's the old blog that I want back!

http://mymessymelancholymusings.blogspot.com/



http://oddballkid.blogspot.com/

I hope to figure this out soon!

Hello There

Well, somehow the previous blog has become inaccessible, probably because I'm too stupid to figure it out. So here I go again. This stinks. I'm going to try and find the old one and copy/paste the old entries. We'll see how it works.

About me? Well, I'm nothing special. Just a mom of 2 who loves coffee and critters. I love a good story and a good song. My moods change faster than a model changes clothes at a fashion show.

What else is there to know? You'll get doses of that later. It's time to get supper started. Hopefully I'll be able to access this again later to add more.